just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
