I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
