this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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