Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
