Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
