i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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