How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
