would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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