i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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