I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
