Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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