um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
