She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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