I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
