Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
