**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
