if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im six kinds of drunk right now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
