The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
