White coat. Heels.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
