Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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