I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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