Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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