I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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