You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
vagina is talking i cant
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
