Christians are straight up FREAKS
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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