This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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