He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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