Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
