Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
