there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
