Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
