Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
