you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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