That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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