Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
