Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
