ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
