I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
