oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She's the barista slut.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
