it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
