Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
