I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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