i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
