I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
