I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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