ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
