i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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