Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
