not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
