She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
