he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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