mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
