Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
