is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
