So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
