Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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