that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
