Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
