WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
