After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
