she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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