so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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