the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
