Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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