capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
