How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
