South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
