This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
