I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
