Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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