how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
