I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
