did you get engaged???
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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