Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
