Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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